Expectations = Frustrations

IMG_4988.JPG

Expectations. We all have them. We expect someone to do something. We expect something from someone. It’s okay to have them but it’s not okay to impose them on other people. This is unfair and sometimes, very cruel. Of course we’d never admit we impose expectations on others but a sure way to know if we do is when we experience frustration and disappointment when they don’t comply.

Expectations stem from our own needs. Period. It has nothing to do with anyone else fulfilling them or not fulfilling them. Our expectations come from our fears (or insecurities) within us. And overtime, we adopted an unhealthy pattern of looking to others to help us cope with our fears. This pattern of thinking is not only self-destructive but will also destroy relationships. Our expectations will suppress their freedom of speech and choice. They’ll comply to our demands out of fear, and not out of love.

If you’re in this place now, it’s time to do some soul searching. Ask yourself some hard questions: Why do I feel like I have to do this? Why do I feel like they have to do this with me? Why is this important to me? What would happen if I didn’t do it? What am I afraid of? It’s unrealistic to expect others to meet your needs. All you can do is share your need and release any obligation of meeting them. It’s okay to request but never demand. But you have to accept the fact that the answer may be a ‘No’.

May we look for answers within first before we expect it from others.

©2016 Susie Lee

 

 

Be happy now.

Photo

Be happy now – not when you get the promotion or find the love of your life. Be happy now, for our lives are made up of moments. And each moment, we’re given a choice – we can choose to be happy or unhappy. Yes, even despite what has happened to us, what we’re going through, and even what may happen to us. Every time, we have a choice. Choose to be happy. It’s a powerful choice because we’re choosing the outcome of the situation rather than letting the situation determine the outcome of our lives. And when we choose to be happy, we’ll find freedom – freedom from critics, failures, and fears. And ultimately this happiness will give us the freedom to be who we’re meant to be and we’ll excitedly embrace each moment that comes our way.

Be happy with who you are, as flawed as you think you are. Be happy with where you’re at, for this moment will never come again. Be happy with what you have, for it’s in your wants that creates unhappiness.

Be happy now. Not tomorrow. Not when. Not later. But now.

©2016 Susie Lee

Finished by Dan DiFelice.

Dan DiFelice’s short video, Finished, is powerful, beautiful, and captivating. Wherever you are in life right now and whatever battle you’re fighting –  I hope you find hope, courage, and new-found strength to carry on. May these truthful words resonate deep within and propel you forward to finish, and to finish well.

©2016 Susie Lee

The Four Agreements by don Miguel Rui.

The Four Agreements by don Miguel Rui are simple concepts yet profoundly effective. When applied to your life, it can be absolutely transformational. You will experience more peace, joy, love, strength, and energy. And you’ll soon realize that at any given moment you have the power to change the outcome of a situation, conversation, or feeling – simply by incorporating these four agreements into your mind, actions, or words. Once you make these agreements with yourself, they’ll become second nature to how you think, feel, and respond. For an in-depth look into The Four Agreements, you can pick up or download a copy of his book here.

©2016 Susie Lee

4.jpg

The Art of Living Intentionally.

With the holiday season upon us, it’s easy for us to say yes to every party invite and become a Martha Stewart and Santa to everyone we know. The holidays can be challenging as we feel the heaviness of unspoken expectations and unrealistic demands that are placed on us. When we do things out of obligation we’ll feel resentful, tired, and angry – we’ll feel as though our time is not our own and we’re losing control of it. One of the ways we can bring joy and peace back into the holidays is by being intentional with our time – this may mean making decisions based on love rather than out of duty, learning to say no without feeling guilty, and learning to do less. May we master the art of living intentionally everyday.

©2015 Susie Leeintentional

You’re going to be okay.

Image

IMG_9276

Grace to grow.

Ok. In my last article, I wrote about how to live without being offended. Since then I’ve had a couple of close encounters. So when I was confronted by another person whether I was offended or not, I had to catch myself from shrugging it off with an excuse. Instead I took a moment and consciously decided to take a risk to be honest and vulnerable.

Fact is we’re not going to be ok with what happens to us or how people treat us. Even though we know we can’t blame others and we’re responsible for our feelings – inside we still feel crappy and angry. In the midst of this, we need to be honest with ourselves. This means recognizing our blind spots and working on them. This will be painfully hard, and at times we’ll fall flat on our faces. But that’s why we need to show ourselves grace. Grace to grow, and time to heal. With each new day we get a ‘do over’ to be a better person, to take another chance, and to be fearless. So instead of avoiding the thing that’s causing us pain or avoiding the person that’s making us feel uncomfortable, we must face them head on until it no longer has a negative effect on us. Be brave, with each moment.

©2015 Susie Lee

Live without being offended.

How do we live in a way where we don’t easily get offended? Where our feelings aren’t at the mercy of people’s behavior, actions, or opinions of us? I know it’s hard not to feel insecure when someone accidently overlooks us or intentionally leaves us out. But if we want freedom in this area of our lives, we must begin to know our worth.

So, where do we start? First, we need to stop blaming people for how they’re making us feel. We always have a choice, and we’re responsible for our feelings. Second, we need to look at ourselves. Our reaction is a good indication of what’s already going on inside of us – perhaps we still have childhood wounds or dealing with low self-esteem. Lastly, we don’t want to base our self worth on people, possessions, or position because they’re circumstantial and therefore can be taken away from us at any moment. Our self worth needs to come from who we are as a person – inner strength, quality of character, quiet confidence, and a nurturing self-love. Once we begin to love and accept ourselves we’ll become immune to outside influences.

Once we discover our true worth, we can live without being offended.

©2015 Susie Lee

Seasons of Change.

There are going to be days when you doubt your destiny, lose your way, or feel insecure with who you are. This is a part of your journey. You’ll never have it all together, you won’t always be happy, and you won’t be sure of who you are all the time. Instead of beating yourself up over it, just go with the winds of change within yourself. In life, there will be seasons of growth and change, and there will be seasons of restlessness and rest. We can’t always be productive, purposeful, and passionate. Some days, just getting dressed will be a huge accomplishment. If you’re in this cold dark season, be gentle with yourself, keep moving, and stop criticizing yourself. You’re not going to stay stuck in this place of complacency forever. I know it may feel like it now but you’re not – you’ll get your zest and motivation back. Until then, just live and be.

©2015 Susie Lee

Let love guide you in your pain and struggle.

More often than not, we’d rather run away from our pain, problem, or hurt than to face it head on. But I believe a lesson never goes away until we learn what they’re supposed to teach us. We can avoid difficult people or we can learn how to love them beyond our capacity. We can be frustrated at a problem or think of a creative solution to get through it. We can stay mad or we can learn to let go. We have choices everyday, and these choices will either make or break us. It’s not always easy to do the right thing or be the better person but for the sake of our spiritual growth and mental peace, we must let love guide us in our decision making process. And when we do, we’ll find that our pain won’t have a grip on us any longer because we’ve been set free.

©2015 Susie Lee

anything