Expectations. We all have them. We expect someone to do something. We expect something from someone. It’s okay to have them but it’s not okay to impose them on other people. This is unfair and sometimes, very cruel. Of course we’d never admit we impose expectations on others but a sure way to know if we do is when we experience frustration and disappointment when they don’t comply.
Expectations stem from our own needs. Period. It has nothing to do with anyone else fulfilling them or not fulfilling them. Our expectations come from our fears (or insecurities) within us. And overtime, we adopted an unhealthy pattern of looking to others to help us cope with our fears. This pattern of thinking is not only self-destructive but will also destroy relationships. Our expectations will suppress their freedom of speech and choice. They’ll comply to our demands out of fear, and not out of love.
If you’re in this place now, it’s time to do some soul searching. Ask yourself some hard questions: Why do I feel like I have to do this? Why do I feel like they have to do this with me? Why is this important to me? What would happen if I didn’t do it? What am I afraid of? It’s unrealistic to expect others to meet your needs. All you can do is share your need and release any obligation of meeting them. It’s okay to request but never demand. But you have to accept the fact that the answer may be a ‘No’.
May we look for answers within first before we expect it from others.
The Four Agreements by don Miguel Rui are simple concepts yet profoundly effective. When applied to your life, it can be absolutely transformational. You will experience more peace, joy, love, strength, and energy. And you’ll soon realize that at any given moment you have the power to change the outcome of a situation, conversation, or feeling – simply by incorporating these four agreements into your mind, actions, or words. Once you make these agreements with yourself, they’ll become second nature to how you think, feel, and respond. For an in-depth look into The Four Agreements, you can pick up or download a copy of his book here.
One of the sure ways to grow is to get out of our comfort zones. I know it’s not always easy because we’ll experience discomfort, insecurity, or growing pains. But getting out of our comfort zone will challenge us, stretch us, and shape us. It’s purpose is to develop and strengthen us. Sometimes, being open minded and being willing to see things from a different perspective is half the battle. Here are some ways to get you out of your comfort zone.
Ok. In my last article, I wrote about how to live without being offended. Since then I’ve had a couple of close encounters. So when I was confronted by another person whether I was offended or not, I had to catch myself from shrugging it off with an excuse. Instead I took a moment and consciously decided to take a risk to be honest and vulnerable.
Fact is we’re not going to be ok with what happens to us or how people treat us. Even though we know we can’t blame others and we’re responsible for our feelings – inside we still feel crappy and angry. In the midst of this, we need to be honest with ourselves. This means recognizing our blind spots and working on them. This will be painfully hard, and at times we’ll fall flat on our faces. But that’s why we need to show ourselves grace. Grace to grow, and time to heal. With each new day we get a ‘do over’ to be a better person, to take another chance, and to be fearless. So instead of avoiding the thing that’s causing us pain or avoiding the person that’s making us feel uncomfortable, we must face them head on until it no longer has a negative effect on us. Be brave, with each moment.