Tag Archives: choice

Proactively Being Happy

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Sometimes, the harsh realities of life can weigh us down with doubt, confusion, depression, and anxiety.  Overtime, these patterns of thoughts and feelings will have a negative impact on our health and well-being.  To combat this, I want to give you 10 simple steps that will transform your outlook in life.

1.     Count your blessings. Name 3 things that went well today.
2.     Consider what you have. List 3 things that you appreciate about your life.
3.     Express thanks.  Write a letter to someone who made an impact on your life.
4.     Play to your strengths.  List your top 3 strengths.
5.     Make love count.  Set aside time to spend with your partner.
6.     Look on the bright side. Write a story about your ‘best future self.’
7.     Find meaning in your work.  List 3 reasons you feel passionate about your work, or how your work contributes to the greater good.
8.     Do a good deed. Practice acts of kindness to those you care about as well as to strangers.
9.     Make positive connections. Smile at someone you pass on the street or in the elevator.
10.  Do what you love. When you do something you enjoy, you will naturally drift into a satisfying ‘sense of flow.’

Take your time with this list.  I encourage you to focus on one or two of these steps of a day.  And work your way through all of them over the next few weeks.  After you’ve completed the list, repeat the steps, cycling it over again in the coming months.  Eventually, your positive outlook will become second nature as you see the brighter side of things, in people and in life.  It’s not to say the dark realities will vanish from our lives but we’re choosing to see the better side of things, which puts it into perspective.  Here’s to a happier you and a brighter world.

© Susie Lee 2012

To insure good health:  eat lightly, breathe deeply, live moderately, cultivate cheerfulness, and maintain an interest in life.
– William Londen

*10 Steps to a Happier Life was written by Michele Cohen Marill (From Pink Magazine 2008)

Quotes of the Week | Words to Live By

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The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be.
– Marcel Pagnol

Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like.
– Will Rogers

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
– Anonymous

You are not in this world to live up to other people’s expectations,
nor should you feel the world must live up to yours.
– F Perl

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself.
– Harvey Fierstein

Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.
– John Wooden

The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love,
and let it come in.
– Morrie Schwartz

Happiness is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it eludes you.
But if you turn your attention to other things, It comes and sits softly on your shoulder.
– Henry David Thoreau

It’s impossible” said pride.
“It’s risky” said experience.
“It’s pointless” said reason.
“Give it a try” whispered the heart.
– Anonymous

Your task is not to seek love, but to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.
– Rumi

Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect.
It means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.
-Anonymous

10 Habits of a Happy Couple

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As life gets busier, sometimes it’s easy for couples to unconsciously let their relationships slip to the wayside.  But it’s possible to keep it strong even in the midst of busyness.  Here are 10 simple ways:

  1. Talk
  2. Date
  3. Spend time apart
  4. Let small things slide
  5. Touch
  6. Fight fair
  7. Stay intimate
  8. Say thank you (and please)
  9. Keep it surprising
  10. Make the effort

It’s helpful to write these down where you can see them; post-it on your computer, fridge, bathroom mirror, dining room table, kitchen sink – somewhere where you’ll see it as a daily reminder.  Of course, this is in no way an exhaustive list but it’s a simple and practical list that will get you back on track towards intimacy.

Have fun and enjoy each other. Always. Love and laugh lots.

© 2012 Susie Lee

*10 simple ways were taken from Today’s Parent February 2006.
To read the full article:  click here

Quotes of the Week | Happiness

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Happiness is not something ready made.
It comes from your own actions.
-The 14th Dalai Lama

No one is in control of your happiness but you;
therefore, you have the power to change anything about yourself
or your life that you want to change.
– Barbara DeAngelis

For every minute you are angry
you lose sixty seconds of happiness.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

Learn to let go.
That is the key to happiness.
– Buddha

All happiness comes from the desire for others to be happy.
All misery comes from the desire for oneself to be happy.
– Shantideva

Loving Without Condoning Poor Behavior

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It’s Saturday and you wake up to a beautiful sunny morning.  You’re looking forward to an unplanned day filled with endless possibilities.  You’re happy and rested.  Suddenly out of left field you’re smacked with a curve ball on the side of your head with a rant of accusations by a frustrated loved one.  All before stepping out of bed.

A few weeks ago, I wrote an article on Acceptance | One of the Hardest Things to Do.  And I asked myself ‘Where do you draw the line between accepting the person without condoning their ‘off the handle’ behavior?’  Accepting them for who they are does not mean you have to agree with their behavior.  In fact, tough love will require you to have the courage to confront.  The key factor to confrontation is that your intentions need to come from a place of love and the well being for that person rather than from a place of anger or spite.  And even with your best intentions, it may still be received with defensiveness, anger, resistance, or withdrawal.

It’s natural for us to protect ourselves and take the path of the least resistant and remain silent.  But overtime, your inner fuming and staying bitter towards them will harm you.  Never make the assumption they’ll pick up on your silent cues and magically put the pieces together, or that they’ll feel remorseful for their actions and take the first step towards reconciliation.  They’re not mind readers, they can see you’re upset but they won’t necessarily know why you’re upset.  Plus they’re still probably upset themselves and wondering why you haven’t figured it out.  This will only create more distance between the both of you and at this point, become a battle of wills.  So take the initiative to clearly and objectively communicate what you’re seeing, experiencing and feeling.

It’s also good to keep in mind, that people’s frustrations usually stem out of their own personal issues, inner hurts or past woundings.  So it’s not you, your actions or words that necessarily trigger them but a hurt, resentment, bitterness that might already be within their hearts.  But if they’re not aware of this, they’ll think it’s you and blame you for how they’re feeling.  With this in mind, it’s easier to be patient with them as you walk beside them in their journey.

Since these hurricane days come when you least expect it, it’s emotionally difficult to brace for it.  Loving the person without condoning their poor behavior is very hard to practice.  But it’s possible with compassion, courage, love and truth.  After all you’ve said and done, ultimately it’s up to them to choose what they want to do with it.  My hope is that they’ll see the love behind your words, take responsibility for their feelings and move toward healthy steps for improvement.

© 2012 Susie Lee

Acceptance :: One of the Hardest Things

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Tom has the tendency to have a pessimistic outlook in life.  Stacy gets defensive and takes things personally.  Susan is usually consumed with her own problems that she fails to see the needs of other’s around her.  David is frugal with his money, time and affection.  Darcy is rude, inconsiderate and holds on to grudges.  Charlie is suspicious and thinks the worst of everyone.

You may have encountered some of these fictional characters in real life or may be living under the same roof with one.  At some point in time, you may have secretly (or openly) wished they were better, different, exciting, spontaneous, funny, or outgoing.  How do we reconcile our feelings with the reality of ‘this is the way they are’?  In this article, I’m going to write about one of the hardest things to do in life but an essential component in relationships:  Accepting the other person for who they are.  I mean truly accepting them without any unconscious intentions to try to change them, even for the better.

I believe one of the reasons it’s hard to accept another person for who they are is because we have a natural tendency to filter people’s actions, behavior and personality, through our own life experiences, upbringing and perspective.  It’s through this paradigm we view the world and the people in it.  And when they don’t ‘fit’ into our worldview box we come up against feelings of frustration, agitation, or unhappiness.  And unless we change the way we think, give up our ‘only-best-right way’ attitude, shift our paradigm, alter our perspective, this mountain will remain impossible to climb.  So how do we do this?

Like most things in life, we always have a choice.  In this case, we can choose to accept or change the person or walk away.  In accepting the person with their ‘flaws’ we let go of control, experience a peace of mind, invite harmony into the relationship and see the bigger picture of life.  On the other hand, if you’re determined to change them you’ll end up on a dead end road of frustration and a battle of wills.  But if the first two options are not feasible or working out for you the way you’d like, then the third option might be the best solution for the both of you.

The irony of trying to change someone is that it is us who changes, for the worse.  Let me explain, your decision will ultimately affect you.  If you choose to accept someone for who they are, the possible benefits you’ll reap will be having more patience, peace, freedom, compassion, and unity.  But the consequences of trying to change someone will cripple you with cynicism, negativity, unwillingness, bitterness, anger, or resentment.  This change in you won’t happen overnight but over a period of time.

My motto lately for acceptance has been, “Life’s too short.”  Life’s too short to fuss and fume. Too short to stay upset and hold a grudge.  Too short to point the finger and accuse.  Too short to be miserable because the person is not what they’re ‘suppose’ to be.  Too short to believe the myth I’d be happier if they changed.  Ultimately what I’m demanding them to be is a mirrored image of myself.  And I guarantee eventually I’ll find a flaw or two.

Of course, there are exceptions to every case; you don’t want to condone destructive habits or abusive behavior.  Tough love will call for a change and for a period of time, you may need to love them from a distance while they get the help they need.

One of the key ways in accepting another person is through appreciation.  Focus on the good qualities they already possess – strengths, positive character traits, accomplishments, their hopes and dreams.  Then share this admiration to the person genuinely without expecting anything in return.  I believe this seed of authentic appreciation and unconditional acceptance will blossom into something beautiful in them.  And please don’t be hurt or offended if they don’t appreciate your appreciation, this is bound to happen.  Mainly, you have to do it for yourself, your peace of mind, sanity, and happiness.  And my hope is that one day you’ll also experience the same unconditional acceptance you showed to others.  Making this world a beautiful place to live in.

©2012 Susie Lee

Food for Thought ::
“Strive to be patient; bear with the faults and frailties of others, for you, too, have many faults which others have to bear.  If you cannot mould yourself as you would wish, how can you expect other people to be entirely to your liking?  For we require other people to be perfect, but do not correct our own faults.
We wish to see others severely reprimanded; yet we are unwilling to be corrected ourselves.  We wish to restrict the liberty of others, but are not willing to be denied anything ourselves.  We wish others to be bound by rules, yet we will not let ourselves be bound.  It is amply evident, therefore, that we seldom consider our neighbor in the same light as ourselves…”
-The Imitation of Christ pg. 44

Quotes ::
You take people as far as they will go,
not as far as you would like them to go.
-Jeannette Rankin

Whenever two people meet there are really six people present.
There is each man as he sees himself, each man as the other person sees him,
and each man as he really is.
-William James

Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect.
It means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.
-Unknown

When you find peace within yourself,
you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others.
-Peace Pilgrim

Video of the Week: Beautifully Imperfect

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People’s little imperfections is what makes them uniquely beautiful.  I love how this short video conveys this message.  It’s a great reminder for us this week, to accept and embrace people’s imperfections in the light of the big picture.  Have a Beautiful Imperfect week.

Quotes of the Week: Be Who You Were Born To Be

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 Your time is limited, don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma, which is living the result of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinion drown your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition, they somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.
– Steve Jobs

 Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.  We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?  Actually, who are you not to be?  You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.  We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.  It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.  And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.  As we are liberated from our own fear;our presence automatically liberates others.
-Marianne Williiamson

Be who you were born to be. Accept, embrace and love who you are; your personality, your looks, your voice and all the quirks that make you you. Know you’re ‘enough’, you don’t need to add, change or push. There’s no one in the world like you, so proudly shine your light because the world needs you today, and everyday.
-Susie Lee

Quotes of the Week: Do It Now!

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“What you are planning to do tomorrow, do today;
what you are going to do today, do right now.”
-Indian Proverb

“The world needs dreamers and the world needs doers.
But above all, the world needs dreamers who do.”
-Sarah Ban Breathnach

This week I encourage you:
Don’t procrastinate. Don’t wait. Don’t fear. Don’t doubt.
Take the risk. Do it now. Seize the moment. Dream BIG.
And take positive steps towards it.
-susie lee

Have a great surprised filled week!