In my home, I have a number of houseplants scattered throughout the windowsills, floor, tables and stands. I love having them around because they bring life and color into a room. But they take work. Every few days, I check to see if the soil needs water. Every few weeks, I give them plant food. And every few years, I transfer them into a bigger pot. Over time, I’ve learned my plants have preferences, some like to be in direct sunlight and others like to be in shade. I’ve also found they tend to flourish in health and strength when I talk to them sweetly… so I talk to my plants often.
Just like houseplants, relationships bring life and color into our lives. But it takes work. We need to put physical time, emotional energy and mental capacity into it. Without this effort, our relationships resemble an artificial plant – fake and lifeless.
Usually when people are dissatisfied with their relationships they may use the term the grass is greener on the other side. The ‘other’ side being happier, fulfilling and abundant. But I believe if they channel that energy in maintaining their own lawn, it would be just as vibrant and green too. But I understand that sometimes, it’s easier to compare and complain rather than put the work into it.
Every relationship takes a lot of work, sacrifice and love. Strong, healthy, long lasting couples and friendships don’t just magically ‘happen,’ they take time to cultivate and flourish. Here are a few ways to build your relationship:
Commitment
Make right choices despite how you feel
Accept them without trying to change them
Be there through the ups and downs – good times and bad
Choose to love them especially when the feelings aren’t there
Communication
Talk, listen and engage actively
Be honest with them even though it’s hard
Patiently figure out the heart of the issue in conversations
Accept and understand the other person’s point of view
Connection
Have fun together
Have common interests
Make time for each other in person, by phone or by computer
Physical, emotional, spiritual, psychological, or intellectual connection
Caring
Honor them by accepting who are
Celebrate the things that matter to them
Look out for their best interest and well-being
Meet spoken and unspoken needs (emotionally or practically)
Relationships are like investments that will grow over time. And the return will be substantial as it will nourish our souls and enrich our lives. It’s the connection we make with another soul that draws us deeper mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
May your days be richer and fuller because of the colorful relationships that bring life, love and joy to you. And in turn, may you paint a colorful canvas on someone else’s life.
© 2012 Susie Lee
Whenever you’re in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.
-William James
People’s little imperfections is what makes them uniquely beautiful. I love how this short video conveys this message. It’s a great reminder for us this week, to accept and embrace people’s imperfections in the light of the big picture. Have a Beautiful Imperfect week.
It’s February 14th and the woman has high unspoken hopes that her man will make this day very, very special. She anticipates either a romantic getaway or a fine dining experience or perhaps a long awaited engagement ring. But when he fails to meet her expectations, she becomes sorely disappointed and deeply hurt. She assumes he does not love or cherish her. She tries to persuade him that if he did what he was supposed to do, she wouldn’t be feeling this way. She finally lashes out at him in rage and anger because she feels unloved, unheard, misunderstood or all of the above. This special night soon turns into an ugly battle of accusations. Of course this is just a hypothetical scenario but I’m sure it happens to some couples every year. Unmet expectations.
How many times do we set ourselves up for misery and loneliness when we have unmet expectations? We want things to be a certain way or people to behave in a certain way and when they don’t live up to our expectations, we begin to blame, criticize, compare, make assumptions, hold grudges, or play the victim – driving the wedge deeper into our pain and in between the relationship. Expectations can be unrealistic because unconsciously we’re asking people to be perfect. And no one is. And it can also, be self-centered because it focus’ on our needs and wants. And if unmet, our reaction can be selfish and destructive because we’re more concerned about what we didn’t get, at the expense of harmony.
We cannot rely on others to fulfill our hopes and dreams, and deceive ourselves that they will make us happy. It’s a vicious trap that will only lead to strife and much pain for us and involuntary for the other person. Expectations may rise from a deeper issue: Do you love me? Do you respect me? Am I important to you? Am I priority in your thoughts and in your life? The next time you feel an expectation creeping up, step back and ask yourself these questions. If you start the conversation from there, it’ll save you a lot of pain and heartache. Love never demands but requests. But you’ll have to accept the fact that the answer may sometimes be a “No.”
Always remember whenever we set expectations, we set people up for failure and we set ourselves up for disappointment.
© 2012 Susie Lee
“What you are planning to do tomorrow, do today;
what you are going to do today, do right now.”
-Indian Proverb
“The world needs dreamers and the world needs doers.
But above all, the world needs dreamers who do.”
-Sarah Ban Breathnach
This week I encourage you:
Don’t procrastinate. Don’t wait. Don’t fear. Don’t doubt.
Take the risk. Do it now. Seize the moment. Dream BIG.
And take positive steps towards it.
-susie lee
Have a great surprised filled week!
living your best 