10 Habits of a Happy Couple

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As life gets busier, sometimes it’s easy for couples to unconsciously let their relationships slip to the wayside.  But it’s possible to keep it strong even in the midst of busyness.  Here are 10 simple ways:

  1. Talk
  2. Date
  3. Spend time apart
  4. Let small things slide
  5. Touch
  6. Fight fair
  7. Stay intimate
  8. Say thank you (and please)
  9. Keep it surprising
  10. Make the effort

It’s helpful to write these down where you can see them; post-it on your computer, fridge, bathroom mirror, dining room table, kitchen sink – somewhere where you’ll see it as a daily reminder.  Of course, this is in no way an exhaustive list but it’s a simple and practical list that will get you back on track towards intimacy.

Have fun and enjoy each other. Always. Love and laugh lots.

© 2012 Susie Lee

*10 simple ways were taken from Today’s Parent February 2006.
To read the full article:  click here

Quotes of the Week | Do Something

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It is never too late to be what you might have been.
– George Eliot

All our dreams can come true – if we have the courage to pursue them.
– Walt Disney

Be not afraid of greatness. Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon ‘em.
– William Shakespeare

Don’t go through life, grow through life.
– Eric Butterworth

In any situation, the best thing you can do is the right thing; the next best thing you can do is the wrong thing; the worst thing you can do is nothing.
– Theodore Roosevelt

Keep on going and the chances are you will stumble on something, perhaps when you are least expecting it. I have never heard of anyone stumbling on something sitting down.
– Charles F. Kettering

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
– Mark Twain

There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them.
– Dr. Denis Waitley

Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.
– John Wooden

Relationships Make Life Colorful

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plants

In my home, I have a number of houseplants scattered throughout the windowsills, floor, tables and stands.  I love having them around because they bring life and color into a room.  But they take work.  Every few days, I check to see if the soil needs water.  Every few weeks, I give them plant food.  And every few years, I transfer them into a bigger pot.  Over time, I’ve learned my plants have preferences, some like to be in direct sunlight and others like to be in shade.  I’ve also found they tend to flourish in health and strength when I talk to them sweetly… so I talk to my plants often.

Just like houseplants, relationships bring life and color into our lives.  But it takes work.  We need to put physical time, emotional energy and mental capacity into it.  Without this effort, our relationships resemble an artificial plant – fake and lifeless.

Usually when people are dissatisfied with their relationships they may use the term the grass is greener on the other side.  The ‘other’ side being happier, fulfilling and abundant.  But I believe if they channel that energy in maintaining their own lawn, it would be just as vibrant and green too.  But I understand that sometimes, it’s easier to compare and complain rather than put the work into it.

Every relationship takes a lot of work, sacrifice and love.  Strong, healthy, long lasting couples and friendships don’t just magically ‘happen,’ they take time to cultivate and flourish.  Here are a few ways to build your relationship:

Commitment
Make right choices despite how you feel
Accept them without trying to change them
Be there through the ups and downs – good times and bad
Choose to love them especially when the feelings aren’t there

Communication
Talk, listen and engage actively
Be honest with them even though it’s hard
Patiently figure out the heart of the issue in conversations
Accept and understand the other person’s point of view

Connection
Have fun together
Have common interests
Make time for each other in person, by phone or by computer
Physical, emotional, spiritual, psychological, or intellectual connection

Caring
Honor them by accepting who are
Celebrate the things that matter to them
Look out for their best interest and well-being
Meet spoken and unspoken needs (emotionally or practically)

Relationships are like investments that will grow over time.  And the return will be substantial as it will nourish our souls and enrich our lives.  It’s the connection we make with another soul that draws us deeper mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

May your days be richer and fuller because of the colorful relationships that bring life, love and joy to you.  And in turn, may you paint a colorful canvas on someone else’s life.

© 2012 Susie Lee

Whenever you’re in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.
-William James

Quote of the Week | Live in the Moment

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As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn’t supposed to ever let us down, probably will.  You’ll have your heart broken and you’ll break others’ hearts.  You’ll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you’ll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you’ve never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances.  You just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone’s hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, and smile until your face hurts.  Don’t be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back.

– Unknown

Quotes of the Week | Happiness

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Happiness is not something ready made.
It comes from your own actions.
-The 14th Dalai Lama

No one is in control of your happiness but you;
therefore, you have the power to change anything about yourself
or your life that you want to change.
– Barbara DeAngelis

For every minute you are angry
you lose sixty seconds of happiness.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

Learn to let go.
That is the key to happiness.
– Buddha

All happiness comes from the desire for others to be happy.
All misery comes from the desire for oneself to be happy.
– Shantideva

Not Every Improvement Is A Meaningful One

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As I get older, I long for simplicity – less things and less clutter.  The beauty of simplicity on the outside is that it’ll somehow make more room on the inside.  I’d like to share a chapter from Magic Words – 101 Ways to Talk Your Way Through Life’s Challenges:

(Magic Words #92)
NOT EVERY IMPROVEMENT IS A MEANINGFUL ONE

Why do we feel we have to improve things all the time?  Nose too long?  Shorten it.  Hair gray?  Darken it.  Kitchen not as modern as the one next door?  Remodel it.  Breasts not as big as Madonna’s?  Well, you’ve got the idea.

There are some changes that matter and some that use up money and energy better spent on other things.  When Alexandra mentioned that someone we both knew, a woman named Sandra, had just hired yet another artist, this time to paint a new mural on her living-room wall, Howard muttered the Magic Words about improvement.  Just a week before, Sandra had turned down a plea from one of Howard’s colleagues who was raising money to support a theater group that gave free performances in poor neighbourhoods.

“Sandra always has the money to improve her living room,” Howard said, “but I’ve never seen her take the time or spend the dime to improve her mind or soul.”  So although we’re not against improving the way you look or the place you live, we believe that if you use these Magic Words, you may pause long enough to consider whether you’re just giving in to a passing fancy, and whether you might be better off doing some real “interior decorating” – dressing up the mind and soul.

Some things we’ve found that decorate the mind:

1) Reading a book that you’re read before and really liked.  You’ll understand even more clearly why you liked it the first time.
2) Buying a copy of a magazine you’d ordinarily never buy.  Let’s say Scientific American.  Maybe you won’t understand everything you read, but maybe you will – and maybe you’ll find a new interest that will light up your life.
3) Going to a poetry reading.  Boring?  Not anymore they’re not, and, believe us, from the inner city to the hinterlands, you’ll find poetry reading scheduled every week.
4) Starting a journal.  It’s a secular confession and a nice way to spend time with a person you sometimes neglect:  yourself.

It may be tough to locate that little thing we call the soul, but you don’t have to see it to spruce it up.  You can:

1) Call the friend you had a fight with.  Maybe you won’t go back to being best buddies, but it hurts you both to cut off the connection.
2) Read to the blind.  Or spend a few hours helping at a soup kitchen.
3) Tell the friend and family member who owes you money that you’ve torn up the IOU. If you can’t afford to do that, what about asking for only a partial payment?
4)    Give someone who needs it a) A pat on the back, b)  A hug, c)  A kiss, or d) all the above.

Because we believe that the relentless drive to “improve” our outer world can sometimes leave us with a diminished inner world, we find these Magic Words make us pause before we plunge.  Investing more “capital” in improving what’s inside pays its own form of interest, teaching us to savor the constant, small pleasures wherever we find them.

–Magic Words – 101 Ways to Talk Your Way Through Life’s Challenges
by Howard Kaminsky & Alexandra Penney (pg. 252-254)

Poste of the Week | Happiness is a choice. Choose happy.

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If I Don’t Start, I Don’t Have a Problem

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I love reading books especially the ones that are filled with pockets of wisdom for everyday living.  Today, I’d like to give you a simple and practical tool from Magic Words – 101 Ways to Talk Your Way Through Life’s Challenges.  Thank you to my good friend, Nisha, who recommended this book to me!

(Magic Words #31)
IF I DON’T START, I DON’T HAVE A PROBLEM

Betcha can’t eat just one: that old potato chip commercial definitely hits a very deep nerve.  Think Ben & Jerry’s, M&M’s, whipped cream, French fries, triple chocolate-chip cookies…even pickles.

Jeri, a newspaper reporter, was working on an important investigative piece on a labor racketeering project.  Since she was on a tight deadline, she found herself getting takeout lunches from the gourmet shop next door to her office.  For the first week she stuck to her usual turkey sandwich or tuna-from-a can with Diet Dr Pepper, but then she spied a row of large round glass self-service containers of nuts and dried fruits behind the deli area.  Knowing she had a weakness for unsalted cashews, she stayed away.  But one day, just as a special treat, she scooped a handful of jumbo nuts into a plastic bag.  The next day she was back, snapping up some more.

A week later, she was eating cashews for afternoon snacks and popping a few on the subway ride home.  Two months passed, and she’d gain seven pounds plus a couple more from overdosing on morning Danish and wolfing down chunks of Taleggio cheese with an evening glass of wine.

We told her about Dr. Stephen Gullo, a well-known weight control expert who would be able to help her quit the cashew habit.  She made an appointment with him for the following week.

Jeri’s problem is a common one.  Many of us, according to Dr. Gullo, have “trigger foods” that activate a “can’t resist” process.  Potato chips are a great example.  Ice cream, bread, cake, and cookies are all culprits, as is almost anything that contains chocolate.  How do you stop the process?  Dr. Gullo prescribes these magic words: If I don’t start, I don’t have a problem.

Jeri wrote them on a piece of paper, which she Scotch-taped to her change purse.  If she surrendered to her urges and loaded up on cashews, when she reached the checkout counter she’d give them back to the cashier.  If she was at a party and a bowl of nuts came into view, Dr. Gullo advised that she move out of range immediately and repeat the magic words to herself.  At the end of three weeks, Jeri had shed half a dozen pounds and was well on her way to zipping up her Levi’s again.

Dr. Gullo’s magic words also work for problems that don’t involve food.  For instance, it’s easy to start complaining in today’s stressful employment climate – the boss is inaccessible, the hours are excruciating, the pay is unfair, blah, blah, blah.  Complaining begets more complaining and inevitably the boss finds out who started the griping, so it’s bad for the complainer – and for general morale.  A lot of people have a tendency to air grievances around the water cooler.  If you’re one of those who sets up a negative situation, do yourself a favor and say “If I don’t start…” and you and your co-workers will steer clear of a common problem.

Nagging is another prime area where “If you don’t start” has a positive effect.  Unfortunately, women have been stereotyped as naggers, though in many cases they nag for a good reason.  Men nag too.  We think it can easily be stopped by changing the magic words slightly, to “If I don’t start, WE don’t have a problem.”

From nachos to nagging, cashews to complaining, the best approach to stopping something you shouldn’t be doing is not starting in the first place.

-Magic Words – 101 Ways to Talk Your Way Through Life’s Challenges
by Howard Kaminsky & Alexandra Penney (pg. 87-89)

Quotes of the Week | Love

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Every single person you meet has a sign around his or her neck that says,
‘Make me feel important.’ If you can do that, you’ll be a success not only in business,
but in life as well.

-Mary Kay Ash

Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty.
-Mother Teresa

Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries.
Without them humanity cannot survive.
-Dalai Lama

Love will find a way.
Indifference will find an excuse.

-Ukrainian proverb